ShoShana Kish
Where were you at in your music career when you had your first child? Was there much discussion about how that life choice would affect your career within the music/entertainment industry?
I had been writing songs and performing for a few years and I had done a handful of paying gigs but I was still in school and still dreaming about making life in music full-time. When I shared that I was pregnant, I was told many times, that becoming a mother meant sacrificing my professional dreams. I remember feeling judged and afraid that my choice to become a parent meant giving up all my other choices and I think that being so young, the people who love me were worried that I was closing doors rather than opening them. Not one person told me it was possible.
But I went ahead and did it anyway. Haha
As a working parent in the music industry, what are some of the biggest challenges you are facing?
The challenges have been considerable. It’s believed being a parent is a disadvantage to some folx in the industry. You’re less available, maybe less marketable? You can be looked over and lose opportunities. That’s just true. Sometimes I just had to say no to amazing things. I couldn’t make it work to do the interview, or the session or the gig. I had to prioritize my children and some semblance of work-life balance. I am a mother. That role occupies all of my cells and all of my heart. And at the same time, being an artist was never just my job or this thing I did sometimes. It's who I am, and I never considered the possibility of trying to be someone else.
My husband and I work together creatively as songwriters and band leaders with our group Digging Roots. Music brought us together and we have always been partners and collaborators in life and music. We have been a single-income family for most of our careers. Money was VERY tight in the early days as we were building things. I remember a couple of years when our boys were still very small, we had a combined income of like 10K/ year to support our family of four. I’m not really sure how we did it. We travel together and our schedules have always been demanding in the same ways at the same time. This meant we couldn’t practically support each other like many couples do. One of us couldn't stay home, while the other toured or gigged.
Childcare was a huge thing. For the most part, we travelled with our sons and took them everywhere. They’ve grown up touring the world with us and hanging out backstage and in tour vehicles. We homeschooled for a time and had nannies when possible (meaning friends who travelled with us). We wore many hats and we sometimes had no idea how to make it all work. It was often very stressful. But we did it. It worked somehow. And as challenging as touring with a family can be, the absolute hardest thing was when I couldn't bring my sons with me.
Because we travel so much, my kids didn't really get to do team sports and they missed out on many birthday parties and extracurricular things that I truly feel bad about. The upside is that we are all very close. We’ve seen the world together. We’ve all built friendships in far and near places and lived and experienced this gorgeous broad and borderless community around the globe. Their universe is a vast, limitless place. Music has taken us on the most wonderful adventures and my sons have seen life from many different vantage points. Festivals, concerts, ceremonies, dance and food… mountains, tundra, rainforest and desert. I think that despite the trade-offs, it was a magical way to grow into the world.
What is one change (big or small) within the industry that could make a positive impact for working parents?
I just think… Childcare. Childcare. Childcare. It should be an eligible cost for funding in touring and creation/ production projects, provided for by festivals and venues when appropriate, and just generally supported and anticipated. I hope we look to child-appropriate spaces, accommodations, and backstage areas.
How do you find support and community with other working parents in or out of the music industry?
Parenting in the music industry is crazy hard. The hours are too long. The schedule is too intense. The grind is never-ending. Community was one of the main things that made a life in music possible for me. Together with other artists and industry, we offered one another advice, an ear to listen, and cared for one another’s children in the tour van, hotel rooms, green rooms or in the audience. We showed up for each other. It really takes a village and I will always be grateful.
What’s one specific example of an organization/venue/company doing something great to help support working parents?
I think depending on the industry space and genre, there are lots of organizations thinking and planning about this more. I know that Sakihiwe Festival puts family at the center of its mandate and this extends to the artists they engage. I look forward to seeing this more. Mad respect for everyone working towards that goal.
Can you shout out another music mama doing great things?
There are too many spectacular brave miraculous Music Mamas out there to acknowledge just one. Women are superheroes.
I think I’d like to shout out all the amazing badass Aunties. Their support makes incredible things possible for us Mamas. The ways the Aunties in my family and chosen family have shown for me and my sons over the years have been world-changing. None of us can or should do this alone.